The Morning Patrol with Mastelek💪

Getting things off your chest on the Cradle Loop

It was rumbling with thunder early this morning & I thought we’d skip the Cradle.

But after six it sounded clear. I glanced out the window, checked the weather on my phone, & it looked good.

“Let’s saddle up,” I told eddy, my Belgium Alumega.

(eddy always stays in lower case. Capitals slow him down. He’s more fast & aerodynamic that way.)

We rode out to the Cradle past all the ugly political posters still clinging to the lamp posts. It’s been a week & a half of politics.

“You know, eddy, I’m a liberal. A verligte.”

“Oh no,” said eddy. “Not this kak again.”

Politics is not eddy’s favourite subject.

“Well, I’m a cold-blooded mathematician. I dislike the fascist right & the woke left. But it’s always a binary choice for everyone & I’m stranded in the middle.

Jirre, here on the southern tip of Africa we have the ultimate in lack of integrity with the cadres or comrades or whatever they like to call themselves. They’re just a plain mafia club of thieves. Commission after judicial commission has laid that bare. Yet they fok voort noord, as we say.

In the States you can see how people were assimilated in much the same way the Germans were by Hitler. Dissent & you are attacked & humiliated. Fight, fight, fight.”

“No well, fine,” said eddy. “Glad you have that off your chest.”

“Well, eddy, you just have to humour me while I flip the bird at every political campaign poster we ride past.”

“Ok,” agreed eddy. “But do it silently.”

“Not even the odd ‘Jou ma se dinges?’”

“No!”

We landed at Biden. The place was packed again. Everyone still squeezing in their last bits of practice for the 94.7.

eddy & me didn’t mess around. We cranked down Stampede Hill & hit the junction to the Sterkfontein Caves in record time.

“eddy, this hill here I’m naming in your honour. eddy’s Bump.”

“Jabonga, Mastelek. We need to find a landmark for you as well.”

“Well, old friend, we have decades for that. No rush.”

The female boemelaars were out in force today. Walking around with beach towels as skirts.

“Must be on the bones of your ass to use your towel as a skirt, eddy?”

“Well Mastelek, how do you think the Scottish kilt developed? You sleep, live & work in that. It’s just a blanket or a woolly towel.”

“I haven’t worn mine for ages, eddy. Need a good reason. I think I’ll just wear my Elliot Tartan to work next week.”

“Everyone will think you eccentric.”

“I am.”

“You cannot cycle in a kilt, eddy. Must I explain?”

“Nooooooooooo, Mastelek. Spare me. I have your latex kit on my saddle & going commando is too much. Case closed.”

On the final crank up to Biden we blew past the whole bunch of cyclists to the top. At the summit I turned to eddy.

“Let’s do that again?”

We freewheeled to the bottom & repeated the performance.

“Let’s go home, eddy, after a Freezo. If I did that again it would be a bridge too far!!!!”

While grabbing the Freezo, there was a bloke struggling with the bikes on the racks. It was an almighty tangle.

“You grabbing someone else’s bike by the hoods?” I asked.

“These damn things like to get amorous” he replied.

“Yeah! eddy has that problem with Bianchis!”

We loaded up & the radio played the Cranberries, Dreams.

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