The Morning Patrol with Mastelek💪

Packing Padkos for Your Hitchhiking Adventures | Essential Tips for Meerkats from South Africa

Although we live in the burrow of Douglasdale and our bolthole is right next to the William Nichol bridge on the concrete super slab, we are not as mal as the kieviet down the Crescent who insists on nesting in the middle of nowhere including the road. He and his vrou then screech and run in the opposite direction believing it will lead you away from their nest. That screech sounds worse than Patricia Lewis singing “Ek is lief vir jou” while sitting on a barbed wire fence. Whatever! Occasionally we hitchhike around our planet Earth, and on those occasions we need to pack padkos. So here are the suggestions:

• Biltong! Strips of dried meat salted to perfection. Best made at altitude and in the dry air of the Highveld with a lekker stukkie vet on one side. Can be made anywhere in the world if you have a data centre, unmount the servers and use the rack with fans blowing at full speed.
• Mrs Balls Chutney: No sausage is complete without this sauce especially a boerie roll. The legend is that the burrows were introduced to the recipe by a shipwrecked eskimo who liked peaches. Just need to make sure the chutney is made before cousin Koos gets hold of them to make witblits!

• Rooibos tea: Over at the Cedarberg burrow the Meerkats have a amazing bush that makes the best tea in the world. There is no truth in the rumour that the leader of the free world uses it as a shampoo, giving his hair body and a unique hue. But if he drank some, he would definitely tweet every other tea is fake!
• Melktert: The tannies in the burrow make some of the best pastries in the world. The bolthole kitchens deliver a creamy treat known as a melktert whose deliciousness is only equaled only by anther sticky treat from the same kitchens known as a koeksuster.
• Romany Creams: Two cookies sandwiched together using chocolate. If Rooibos tea is not available and you have to settle for second best, like Earl Grey, this will make up for the disappointment as an accompaniment.
• Creme Soda: A fizzy drink that is better than that rubbish Coca Cola. Invented by Meerkat Gert over at the Desert City burrow, who ran out of syrup for his sodastream. He found some vanilla essence in Ouma Greyvenstein se kombuis, added some green food colouring and as they say in the classics, the rest is history!
• NikNaks: A cheesy snack made from meilies by the pride of Lions. The Lions in this neck of the savannah are a lazy bunch who don’t do much but shag and eat Impalas. But dammit, they are good at making snacks like AmaNikNaks and even ones from potatoes, like those salt and vinegar ones. Simply roars with flavour!

• Ouma Rusks: A speciality from Ouma Greyvenstein se kombuis. A more important item for your backpack than a space blanket or a Swiss Army knife. Likely, to keep the average Meerkat going for the whole day and can also be used to moer any passing angry looking Cobra.
• Peppermint Crisp: Jislaaik. The bigger the better. That the local spazas around the planet do not stock these chocolate bars is shocking. Only problem is it bliksems melts and you need to find a fridge to kewl down you stash!

If you have a favourite padkos, leave a comment below and if you see a wandering hitchhiking Meerkat around the planet, you know what he is looking for. You will recognise them by the vellies they are wearing and the grunting cry they make, especially in the higher latitudes of “dis blerrie koud!”

Ronald Bartels | LinkedIn | Instagram

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